Center for Hope & Safety: Dating Violence: Information for teens and young adults about violence or controlling relationships.

Rebuilding lives beyond domestic violence

24 hour hotline

(201) 944-9600

http://www.hopeandsafety.org

12 Overlook Avenue

Rochelle Park, NJ  07662

(201) 498-9247

A Message from the Department of Community Affairs:

Being in a dating relationship doesn’t mean you have to deal with physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. Although you may want to be committed and supportive of your partner, there is no excuse for this kind of behavior.

This brochure is designed to help you recognize if you are being abused or if you are abusive in your relationship. It’s important to identify problems if they exist and do what is necessary to make sure the abuse stops.

Please read through these checklists and take some of the suggestions outlined here. If you think you are in an abusive relationships, you should end the relationship, get help from an adult that you trust or go to your counseling center at school. There is help if you are in an abusive relationship and it is only a phone call away.

Are you Abusive?

*Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse her or him of being with other people?

*Are you extremely jealous or possessive?

*Have you hit, kicked, shoved or thrown things at your partner?

*Do you constantly insult or criticize your partner?

*Do you become violent when you drink or use drugs?

*Have you threatened your partner or broken thing in your partner’s presence?

*Have you forced your partner to have sex with you or intimidated your partner so that he or she is afraid to say no?

*Have you threatened to hurt your partner?

*Have you threatened to hurt yourself if your partner breaks up with you?

If you checked one or more of these boxes, realize that you are inflicting physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse on your partner.

If you do any of these things, you:

*Must take responsibility for your actions.

*Can’t blame your behavior on your partner or drugs or alcohol.

*Can change the way your act if you get supportive counseling.

*Can call 1-800-572-SAFE (7233) or go to the counseling center at your school and your violence will increase.

*Must do something about it or it’s going to get worse and your abusive behavior.

Are you being Abused?

*Are you frightened by your partner’s temper?

*Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?

*Are constantly apologizing for your partner’s behavior, especially when he or she has threatened you badly?

*Do you have to justify every place you go, everything you do or every person you see just to avoid your partner’s anger?

*Does your partner constantly put you down and then tell you that he or she loves you?

*Have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved or had things thrown at you?

*Do you not see family or friends or do things just because of your partner’s jealously?

*Have you been forced into having sex when you didn’t want to?

*Are you afraid to break up because your partner has threatened to hurt you or himself/herself?

If you checked one or more of the above boxes, your are in an abusive relationship.

You can:

*End the relationship and choose not to see your partner.

*Get help from someone your trust, preferably an adult.

*Go to your counseling center at school.

*Call 1-800-572-SAFE (7233) for referral to a local support program in your area.

Myths about Dating Relationships:

All these excuses are excuses. There is no excuse for any kind of violence in a dating relationship.

Your rights in a Dating Relationship:

In your relationship, you have the right to:

*Express your opinions and have them be respected.

*Have your needs be as important as your partner’s needs.

*Grow as an individual in your own way.

*Change your mind.

*Fall out of love and break up with someone and not be threatened.

*Have a relationship free from physical, sexual or emotional abuse.

*Not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior.

Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline:

1-800-572-SAFE (7233)

TTY: 609-392-2990

For further information on the video and its accompanying study guide, contact:

Intermedia Inc.

1165 East Lake Avenue

Suite 400

Seattle, Washington 98109

1-800-553-8336

Disclaimer: This information was taken directly from the Center for Hope & Safety pamphlet and I give them full credit on the information. Please call them directly for more information. (201) 498-9247.